I Don’t Deserve This

Sabotage… or fear… maybe both.

I got my life coaching certificate and I have said or done nothing with it.  I haven’t even opened up the envelope. This should be a celebration as it was this goal I had and I achieved it. It was this barrier I put in place of me being this thing I want to be. And officially on paper I am that thing. 

Then the imposter syndrome kicks in and I am not that thing yet. I am still just Amy, not quite good enough, who am I to think that I can be an agent of positive change in someone’s life.  What have I done to deserve that honor.

Oh wait here is the list that makes me capable, in semi chronological order

  1. My dad left my mom when I was 1 and I haven’t seen him since. Yet I have a good life and am a committed parent. I worked through most of those issues.
  2. My mom got remarried to a man with addictions and abusive behaviors. I over came that and still found a way to love myself enough to marry a good man and not repeat that cycle.
  3. When I was 16 I had a baby and gave him up for adoption. I then went on to do the unexpected and graduate high school with honor’s, go to college and have a really good life.
  4. I dropped out of college.  I worked really hard to become a leader and now lead hundreds of people in the retail world. 
  5. I hated and abused myself for 5 years. I have forgiven myself and learned to love me for all of it.
  6. I became very overweight through those years and have lost a lot of it.  I am a work in progress and continue to learn to love myself enough to keep making the right choices for my health
  7. Infertility. After 2 rounds of IVF we have the best little ones and I am so lucky to have them.  They are truly amazing.

I don’t think that list is it. I think there have been a million tiny lessons along the way that also allow me to have the knowledge and experience to help people.  So what holds me back..

Number 8… I am scared

I am so scared to fail that I never truly let myself be all that I can be.

I am so scared of what people think of me that I hold back

I am so scared that I am not enough

I am so scared that success won’t be enough

I am so scared of the unknown that I just give up on myself

I am so scared the world will think I don’t deserve this.

I am scared because I don’t think I deserve this.

Published by Amy Brooke Coaching

Fertility and Mindset Coach

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